MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?

I have always had the attention span of a gnat.  When I was in school my report cards would often have notes that said "eager to learn but needs to work slower" which meant I would jump from one thing to another, my mind going a million miles a minute.  Nowadays I would probably be labeled ADD.  Mother just called me a wiggle worm. 

I learned early on how to sit still by going inside my head and  tapping a foot or finger where no one could see so I wouldn't draw attention to myself.  When I learned to read, books became my escape.  My daughter tells me I missed nearly all of the 70's and the 80's with my head buried in a book.  It wasn't until I went to collage, in my forties, and went to work full time that I began to come out of my shell but it wasn't easy and old habits die hard.  

While I was trying to decide what word I would pick to work on this year I began to think about all the things I still don't pay attention to because I am inside my head or jumping from one thing to another or what I ignore and put on the back burner because I get distracted.     

I wondered, what have I missed and what would happen if I paid attention to one thing at a time...if I listened with all my attention when someone talks to me instead of interrupting with a thought or an opinion before I even know what they are saying.

What if I paid attention to details like saying please and thank you instead of taking people for granted and if I apologized when I am wrong but quit apologizing automatically if someone is not happy with who I am or what I believe.

How would my life change if I ask for attention (and help) when needed instead of trying to do everything myself and if I listened with attention to my body when it spoke to me.

What would happen if I  paid attention to 'now', each hour of each day. 

...AT THE END OF THE DAY... what will happen if I choose ATTENTION as my word for 2013?  Stay tuned and find out...I know I'll be paying attention.

1 PILL...2 PILLS...RED PILL...BLUE PILLS

 

I've always been a list maker.  It keeps my life in order so I don't  go off on a tangent, losing track of time, and getting nothing done.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. 

My question now is... how in the @#$%& do people who take a dozen medications ever get it straight and ever get anything else done?

I'm only taking a few and I need a logistics expert to keep track of which to take with food, which to take with a full bottle of water, which foods to avoid within two hours either side one medication and which don't play well with others if you take them too close together.

I am so happy all this is only temporary and it certainly gives me incentive to stay healthy.  What I've also learned from this experience is...

AT THE END OF THE DAY...getting old is not for wimps.

 

IT'S COMPLICATED

 

You know when something happens to you and you ignore it,

then it happens again and you ignore it again and yet again?

Then by the time you realize you need to give it a heads up you are up against a deadline, or right in the middle of a big project you really want to finish, or you want to get through the holidays then  you will relax and breathe and pay attention. 

In the meantime, the thing you have been ignoring has been building up and growing until, right in the middle of your project, or a day before your deadline, or the morning of the most excellent Christmas in years...what if you woke up "THAT" morning and realized you should have paid attention sooner, you should have seen the signs, you should have listened to your inner voice, you should have sensed, somehow, as the days, weeks, months slipped by that each incident was a warning that something serious was wrong. 

So now here you sit, all alone at midnight, hooked up to IV's full of stuff you hope will make it go away and you wonder again, after two days of wondering, what it is and what caused it.  Was it laziness and neglect or just plain stupidity for seeing it sooner...but...

... AT THE END OF THE DAY...you know it doesn't matter...you've finally turned the corner toward recovery and you are grateful...and from now on you'll pay attention.

PS...Thank you to all my family for taking lots of pictures for me of Adyson' s first Christmas.

 

THANKSGIVING

No matter the twists and turns that brought you to where you are today...

Thanksgiving should not to be taken lightly

it should be taken with turkey and dressing

and cranberry sauce

and a loosened button over a full belly

Thanksgiving should not to be taken lightly

it should be taken with good conversation

a game of football...

and a large piece of pumpkin pie

Thanksgiving should not to be taken lightly

it should be taken with people we love

giving thanks for our blessings...

and gratitude that it only comes once a year

AT THE END OF THE DAY...I am grateful for my family and friends...happy Thanksgiving everybody. 

SETTLING IN

Today is our 46th wedding anniversary.

Living with someone is never easy but living with someone (even after over 40 years of practice) who has retired is like starting all over again with a stranger.

The conundrum has been how do I keep the freedom of my own timeline with a new 'stay-at-home' husband with no schedule,

get used to the noise after the quiet I was used to when the house was empty all day, and still enjoy more together time, all without going crazy.

We are adjusting but like any new experience there is a learning curve with good days and bad days.  On the good days I offer up a prayer of gratitude for the man I married 46 years ago. 

On the bad days when my 'to do' list (or my 'want-to-do' list) gets put on hold because there is a conflict of interest, I take a deep breath and remember something I learned once on a solitary vacation.   

My camp spot was at the top of a long hill with a path going down to the beach.  Walking back up to the camper after my first trip down to the water I found the trail, coming back up, steeper than I realized as I was going down.  Half way up the trail my hips reminded me of the pain I would feel later from my walk and two things came to my mind. 

The first i learned in tai chi.  In tai chi you never lock your joints, you keep them loose,  and you never take all your weight off of one leg before you are balanced on the other...balance and flexibility are the key. 

The second I learned in yoga. In yoga the more you resist a pose the harder and more painful it is.  You learn to find your edge then let go and relax...strength comes with acceptance.    

I kept both lessons in mind as I finished climbing the hill. By the time I reached the top I knew I would be able to enjoy the rest of my vacation as I felt an easing and a loosening in my hips.   

I need balance, flexibility, and strength in my life as well.  Acceptance gives me all three.

AT THE END OF THE DAY...When I quit resisting what is, I can change what will be. 

HALLOWEEN CATS AREN'T ALWAYS BLACK

...thought I'd share a true story about something that happened to me about 25 years ago during the witching season...

 Our house back then was on a dead end street with nothing but a strip of wild tangled bushes and trees separating the backyard from a busy highway.  The band of untamed brush hid the road and muffled the traffic noise and provided an ever-changing view outside my kitchen window.  There were wild flowers in the spring and summer, color-bright leaves in the fall, and a huge boulder just at the edge of the tree line where the neighborhood cats dozed in the sun or pounced down on unsuspecting mice and birds.  The rock was also a good place to take a book and idle away a summer afternoon. 

One bright fall day, right around Halloween, I was washing dishes and staring out the window when I noticed a white cat with long, dirty, shaggy fur and strange green eyes sitting on the boulder watching  me through the window.  I didn't recognize it as a neighborhood cat and even though it looked like a cat I used to have I knew it wasn't mine...I remember vividly the night my cat died.  

Some weeks previously I woke up in the middle of the night with a vague feeling of unease.  I had been reading before I fell asleep and my book was resting face down on my chest, so I closed it, put it on the head of the bed, and reached to turn off the light when I heard a noise.  It was a soft steady pounding sound and seemed to be coming from the back yard.  I got up, slid on my robe and slippers, and quietly followed the sound down the hall to the kitchen window. 

A full moon cast a soft light in the backyard, silhouetting someone  beside the boulder striking the ground with a pick in slow steady rhythm.  My eyes and my head were still clouded with sleep so the scene before me unfolded as if in slow motion making me unsure if I was awake or dreaming.  Then the pounding stopped and the silhouetted figure picked up something white off the rock and laid it in the hole hacked out with the pick. 

I watched, still feeling detached, as the dark figure covered the hole with dirt then stood up and lifted his head so his features were illuminated in the moonlight.  I could see tears streaming down his face...it was my son.   

Coming home late, he found our cat at the end of the street.  It had been hit by a car and was dead.  He didn't want to leave it there until morning so he brought it home and buried it in the backyard under the trees beside the rock.

 

 The strange shaggy white cat that showed up several weeks later only stayed around a couple of days but the surreal events of that night stayed with me and  "Pet Cemetery" by Stephen King, the book I was reading when I fell asleep, was the last book of its kind I ever read.

AT THE END OF THE DAY...Happy Halloween, everybody...

SUMMER'S OVER

Dave and I went to see Ady yesterday...the little ray of sunshine in our lives.  So hard to believe she is 6 months old already.

Finished my project from the class I took three weekends ago at The Ranch called "Baskets, Books and Shrines " with instructor Jo Stealey.  

Summer is over and the days are getting shorter.  It's dark in the mornings now when I get up and today it finally rained enough to settle the dust and leave the air fresh and clean smelling.   

AT THE END OF THE DAY...time put on the soup and settle in for the rainy season.