HANG ON

Once in a while in the Pacific Northwest there is a day in December or January after a particularly long stretch of nasty weather that reminds me why I love the place where I was born. 

One morning I wake up and notice the rain has let up for a while and as the dawn breaks a slight breeze comes up to push away the layer of clouds that has been pressing down for days, or even weeks.

As they break up, patches of blue peek out and grow larger so that by noon the sky is so blue, the air so bright and clear, that the snow, dazzling off the mountains, almost hurts my eyes and I want to weep just from the sheer magnificence of it all. 

The wind ruffles my hair and makes me hold my coat closed a little tighter against the chill...and yet... there is a hint of something, maybe not the touch of warmth sometimes felt in March that whispers of warmer days ahead  but a sense or maybe a smell that says "not yet but hang on to the beauty of this day when you get discouraged by the rain and snow and fog and gloom in the weeks ahead.  Hang on to the memories of a memory that spring will come again like it always does...

but for now...AT THE END OF THE DAY... button up because here we go again".  Another winter storm is blowing in from the ocean."

ONE THING AT A TIME...ALMOST

I tend to fly by the seat of my pants and work on what ever comes up each day or whatever grabs my attention from moment to moment.  As you can guess I start a lot of projects but finish very few of them. 

In my pursuit of paying attention this year I have decided to do a little more planning in my daily life and in my artistic life.  I'm hoping by concentrating on one thing at a time I can get more accomplished.  I am going to take before and after pictures and share the process in my blog. 

These are the projects I am concentrating on right now.

These shelves for my family room were supposed to go up right after we finished remodeling (two years ago?).

My family wall in the same room has never been completed so I am getting pictures I have in the computer ready to send off to the printer.  

This is my "unframed photo" shelf.  I ordered about a dozen new photos to mat and frame to show last year but I didn't do any shows so they are still sitting there waiting.  

And last but not least, this is my design wall for the "People in My Head".  I cut things out while I watch TV then when I have some creative time I mix and match until I have something I'm ready to glue down and finish. 

So be patient with me friends and follow my progress and

...AT THE END OF THE DAY...let's see how long it takes to teach an old dog some new tricks.

 

MAY I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION?

I have always had the attention span of a gnat.  When I was in school my report cards would often have notes that said "eager to learn but needs to work slower" which meant I would jump from one thing to another, my mind going a million miles a minute.  Nowadays I would probably be labeled ADD.  Mother just called me a wiggle worm. 

I learned early on how to sit still by going inside my head and  tapping a foot or finger where no one could see so I wouldn't draw attention to myself.  When I learned to read, books became my escape.  My daughter tells me I missed nearly all of the 70's and the 80's with my head buried in a book.  It wasn't until I went to collage, in my forties, and went to work full time that I began to come out of my shell but it wasn't easy and old habits die hard.  

While I was trying to decide what word I would pick to work on this year I began to think about all the things I still don't pay attention to because I am inside my head or jumping from one thing to another or what I ignore and put on the back burner because I get distracted.     

I wondered, what have I missed and what would happen if I paid attention to one thing at a time...if I listened with all my attention when someone talks to me instead of interrupting with a thought or an opinion before I even know what they are saying.

What if I paid attention to details like saying please and thank you instead of taking people for granted and if I apologized when I am wrong but quit apologizing automatically if someone is not happy with who I am or what I believe.

How would my life change if I ask for attention (and help) when needed instead of trying to do everything myself and if I listened with attention to my body when it spoke to me.

What would happen if I  paid attention to 'now', each hour of each day. 

...AT THE END OF THE DAY... what will happen if I choose ATTENTION as my word for 2013?  Stay tuned and find out...I know I'll be paying attention.

1 PILL...2 PILLS...RED PILL...BLUE PILLS

 

I've always been a list maker.  It keeps my life in order so I don't  go off on a tangent, losing track of time, and getting nothing done.  Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. 

My question now is... how in the @#$%& do people who take a dozen medications ever get it straight and ever get anything else done?

I'm only taking a few and I need a logistics expert to keep track of which to take with food, which to take with a full bottle of water, which foods to avoid within two hours either side one medication and which don't play well with others if you take them too close together.

I am so happy all this is only temporary and it certainly gives me incentive to stay healthy.  What I've also learned from this experience is...

AT THE END OF THE DAY...getting old is not for wimps.

 

IT'S COMPLICATED

 

You know when something happens to you and you ignore it,

then it happens again and you ignore it again and yet again?

Then by the time you realize you need to give it a heads up you are up against a deadline, or right in the middle of a big project you really want to finish, or you want to get through the holidays then  you will relax and breathe and pay attention. 

In the meantime, the thing you have been ignoring has been building up and growing until, right in the middle of your project, or a day before your deadline, or the morning of the most excellent Christmas in years...what if you woke up "THAT" morning and realized you should have paid attention sooner, you should have seen the signs, you should have listened to your inner voice, you should have sensed, somehow, as the days, weeks, months slipped by that each incident was a warning that something serious was wrong. 

So now here you sit, all alone at midnight, hooked up to IV's full of stuff you hope will make it go away and you wonder again, after two days of wondering, what it is and what caused it.  Was it laziness and neglect or just plain stupidity for seeing it sooner...but...

... AT THE END OF THE DAY...you know it doesn't matter...you've finally turned the corner toward recovery and you are grateful...and from now on you'll pay attention.

PS...Thank you to all my family for taking lots of pictures for me of Adyson' s first Christmas.

 

THANKSGIVING

No matter the twists and turns that brought you to where you are today...

Thanksgiving should not to be taken lightly

it should be taken with turkey and dressing

and cranberry sauce

and a loosened button over a full belly

Thanksgiving should not to be taken lightly

it should be taken with good conversation

a game of football...

and a large piece of pumpkin pie

Thanksgiving should not to be taken lightly

it should be taken with people we love

giving thanks for our blessings...

and gratitude that it only comes once a year

AT THE END OF THE DAY...I am grateful for my family and friends...happy Thanksgiving everybody. 

SETTLING IN

Today is our 46th wedding anniversary.

Living with someone is never easy but living with someone (even after over 40 years of practice) who has retired is like starting all over again with a stranger.

The conundrum has been how do I keep the freedom of my own timeline with a new 'stay-at-home' husband with no schedule,

get used to the noise after the quiet I was used to when the house was empty all day, and still enjoy more together time, all without going crazy.

We are adjusting but like any new experience there is a learning curve with good days and bad days.  On the good days I offer up a prayer of gratitude for the man I married 46 years ago. 

On the bad days when my 'to do' list (or my 'want-to-do' list) gets put on hold because there is a conflict of interest, I take a deep breath and remember something I learned once on a solitary vacation.   

My camp spot was at the top of a long hill with a path going down to the beach.  Walking back up to the camper after my first trip down to the water I found the trail, coming back up, steeper than I realized as I was going down.  Half way up the trail my hips reminded me of the pain I would feel later from my walk and two things came to my mind. 

The first i learned in tai chi.  In tai chi you never lock your joints, you keep them loose,  and you never take all your weight off of one leg before you are balanced on the other...balance and flexibility are the key. 

The second I learned in yoga. In yoga the more you resist a pose the harder and more painful it is.  You learn to find your edge then let go and relax...strength comes with acceptance.    

I kept both lessons in mind as I finished climbing the hill. By the time I reached the top I knew I would be able to enjoy the rest of my vacation as I felt an easing and a loosening in my hips.   

I need balance, flexibility, and strength in my life as well.  Acceptance gives me all three.

AT THE END OF THE DAY...When I quit resisting what is, I can change what will be.