NOW YOU KNOW

AND THEN MY HEART WITH PLEASURE FILLS AND DANCES WITH THE DAFFODILS.                     ~William Wordsworth~

I feel like I have been neglecting my blog this year.  My last post was the first part of January and I've been trying to compose a new one for almost two months but winter is not my most productive time of year.

I have suffered from depression on and off most of my adult life and for some reason this years dark months have been especially difficult.   Maybe the record rainfalls have had something to do with it.

When I am depressed I feel like I am balanced on the edge of an abyss, trapped in a fog so thick I can’t find a way out.

Sometimes I sleep all day and other times I have insomnia so bad I can't sleep for days.  Lack of sleep makes me cranky and I cry at the drop of a hat and at inappropriate times.

I often feel pulled as tight as a wire, like I'm only held together by spit and glue, so fragile I will break at a touch and until a few years ago I thought it was just normal and this was what everybody meant by the 'ups and downs of life.  I know better now.

There are times when I hurt all over and don't think I have the strength to go another step so I curl into a ball and stare at the wall for hours just wondering if I can survive another day...but I remind myself I have a lot to live for...my family and my art get me moving again...and spring is here now and I can feel my mind and body awakening from a long winters nap.

That's not to say I won't get depressed the rest of the year so don't give up on me when it looks like I have disappeared.  I'm really just in the shadows doing the best I can while I wait for the light to come back on.

...and...AT THE END OF THE DAY...isn't that the best anyone can do?

LIGHT BULB MOMENT

Like most people, I used to make New Years resolutions each December 31st only to abandon them by January 31st.  Each time I broke one I felt like there was something wrong with me...like I was a failure.

So for the last few years I have been choosing a word to focus on... a word to make me more aware of being a better person and living a better life.

Words are interesting things.  Most have multiple meanings, and shades of meaning, which lead to surprises between what I think I need and what the universe has in mind for me so I have learned to choose carefully.

As I was searching for this years word I thought about the last three and a half years since my great granddaughter was born... watching the look on her face as she learns and grows and really begins to take in the world around her.  It made me realize I have gotten so accustomed to what's around me I no longer pay attention.  There is so much hate and meanness in the news and on the internet that I have drawn deeper into mind and just tried to keep from losing myself in the depression I have struggled with most of my life and I know I don't want to spend my winter season with that attitude.

My word this year is WONDER.

These are just some of the meanings...

          meditate-ponder-reflect-think about-speculate-question-query-doubt-puzzle over-phenomenon-marvel-miracle-eye opener-stunner-mind boggler-curiosity-rarity-one of a kind-something to shout about-surprise-astonishment- amazement-awe-wonderment 

and I want to explore them all.

I have chosen to have an attitude of joy and delight in the world around me this year and I will be ready for surprises.

and AT THE END OF THE DAY...thank you Adyson for reminding me to pay attention to the wonder of it all. 

PINK IS...OR USED TO BE...

It's 'Roy G Biv' time again and this months color is PINK.

Many years ago I wrote a poem about pink and how I hated it because it was considered a weak color...a 'girl' color.

-----------------------------

PINK

frothy pink party dresses enveloped in ruffles and lace

pink is frilly

pastel pink petticoats peeking from beneath clouds

pink is flirty

sweet pink cotton candy dripping sticky down the chin

pink is fleeting

petal pink cherry blossoms dancing in the breeze

pink is fluttery

pale pink rose buds blushing in the sun

pink is fragile

pink is soft

pink is silly

boys don't wear pink

only girls wear pink

i don't want to be pink

------------------------------------

The years have changed my view.

now... AT THE END OF THE DAY...

I know pink is power...princess power...girl power.

5 SHADES OF GREY

Missed doing Roy G Biv last month because I was on vacation.  Had a wonderful time but glad to be home. 

Grey is not a hard color to find around here during October. 

Rocks always make me feel

GROUNDED

I even found a little grey in

HAWAII

and if I had run out of other places to look...

all I have to do is look in the mirror.

I am glad to back in my studio

as I get ready for the holidays and an art and craft holiday show coming up in November...

AT THE END OF THE DAY...what better place to spend the rainy grey days of winter.

 

A SUMMER TO REMEMBER

...it was a long hot dry summer...

...and then it was gone...

just like that...with a storm unequaled so early in the season...

...the wind peeled the bark right off the trees...

...i'm not fond of the heat but i'm sorry to see summer go...

...we did get a lot accomplished this year...

...stumps were taken out ...a chimney was removed and the roof patched...

...and the new deck just needs a coat of paint which will go on in the next couple of weeks...

...the room that is becoming my office...so i can get all the computer stuff out of the living room...should be complete by christmas...

 

...so now it's time to concentrate on the next week...an art show coming up over the weekend...

...and two days later my daughter and i are leaving for Hawaii on vacation...and a wedding...

...there has been a lot to process this year and of course there will be more...after i get back...like a tree removal before anymore wind storms...maybe a couple of art showings or  sales in October and November...and of course the holidays...

 

...when i come home with new projects waiting lined up in my now tidy studio...and a new year fast approaching...all the thinking i did during the lazy days when it was to hot to do much else will result in some decisions...

...and...AT THE END OF THE DAY...as fall and winter approach...i'll be ready for a new direction...and whatever it brings...

PLEASE...NO MORE BROWN

Like the rest of the country Washington state is PARCHED and brown.

A normal summer for us is sitting by the water

or walking along the shore looking for textures

 enjoying the wildlife

 and leaving FOOTPRINTS in the sand.

This year as we close the door on summer

sportsmen may be SKIPPING HUNTING SEASON this year and memories will be clouded by a haze of smoke nearly all over the state.

AT THE END OF THE DAY...we will give a big sigh of relief as the rains start and the fires become a thing of the past.

 

WHEN I'M AN OLD WOMAN

...i shall wear purple...or if i choose...

...a kaleidoscope of colors...

...after all, every woman needs to have...

 A LITTLE BITE OF MYSTERY

  

  

  SHINING THROUGH

...her life......because it's a...

 

        DAISY JUNGLE

...out there...and...

AT THE END OF THE DAY...becoming an old woman should be an adventure...just like looking for VIOLET or PURPLE...