They are burying my mother today. She died one week ago...on my birthday. I won't be there.
We were never close when I was growing up and the distance grew wider when I became an adult. She left as many scars from a sharp tongue and a critical word as she did with a switch and the back of her hand.
I learned many things from my mother.
She told me girls aren't as smart as boys...I learned I am not only smart I am strong.
She told me family shouldn't air their dirty laundry in public...I learned that dirty laundry 'unaired' rotted the family from the inside out.
She told me there were no choices... you lived the life you had. I learned I could have the life I wanted by making new choices.
She told me that being married meant always giving in...I learned that a happy marriage involved giving and receiving.
She told me that becoming rich was the ultimate goal in life...I learned that money didn't make you rich... family did.
She told me I would never be happy until I died and went to heaven...I learned happiness is a state of mind not a destination.
She also taught me many things.
She taught me to grow a garden and to preserve the harvest.
She taught me to cook.
She taught me to bake pies.
She taught me to sew.
She taught me to stretch a dollar until it screams.
She taught me to tell the truth... and she taught me that fences can be mended with time and with love.
I received a phone call telling me she was in a coma right after I got home from a day baking Christmas cookies with my daughter and granddaughter. We were using recipes we had gotten from my mother and sharing memories and wondering what it was going to be like to have five generations of women in the family when my granddaughter gives birth to her daughter in April. Now there will only be four.
AT THE END OF THE DAY...I am grateful that after years of estrangement, taking one tiny step at a time, we were forging a new relationship and that I have let go of the bad memories and now focus on the good ones.
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