GOOD BY JANUARY...GOOD RIDDANCE

Progress has come to a standstill on house projects and on art projects.  The weather is either too cold or too wet and I feel tired, I feel stuck, I feel old.  Maybe I'm just an 

Old Soul

I try to play in the studio between trips to town but my player is broken and running on empty.  Color is so lacking this time of year even package wrappings for birthday boxes were a challenge

until the soft colors of spring that I day dream about snuck in.

 

So I attempt to anticipate the clear days between the rain (even when it's freezing) because the sunrises are worth the wait.  They arrive a little earlier each morning, reminding me...this too shall pass.

And I have decided...AT THE END OF THE DAY... that creating just for fun is a delicious way to spend January.

 

ACCOMPLISH

  to fulfill-make happen-achieve...

Just over two weeks ago I entered the last year of my 7th decade.  In December of this year I will be 70 years old.

It makes me think about what I have accomplished during those 7 decades and what I want to accomplish in the years I have left.

Last year I chose the word Attention to focus on and found out so much about myself.  My life has been enriched by learning to live more fully, not procrastinate so much, and by being aware of what is going on around me and inside me.  That is how I want to enjoy the rest of my years...no matter how many or how few they are.

So this year I will live in the now of each minute, each day, each week, adjusting my direction when I wander off course, and doing the best I can without worrying about whether or not I get everything on my to-do-list finished. 

and after all...AT THE END OF THE DAY...who knows what I can do if I put my mind to it and choose ACCOMPLISH as my word this year.

SMILE...IT'S CHRISTMAS

This time of year, as the long cold mornings and evenings get longer and colder, I always get a little melancholy.  My body goes into hibernation mode while my mind, as the holidays draw closer and I begin to reflect on the year almost past, goes back. 

I remember other winter seasons, old memories that linger from holidays that were less than ideal; my wedding in November under a cloud of disapproval that lingered for years, a phone call on Thanksgiving day when I was 10 or 11 telling us that my grandmother had just died and the phone call 10 years ago, the day after Thanksgiving, letting me know my brother had died the day before.  I already wrote about my December birthday (see my post “Cookie Day”) with it’s own set of  good and bad memories, and has it just been two birthdays ago that I lost my mother?

I missed Christmas last year because of illness and  this year both of my grandchildren were away on Thanksgiving and will be away from home on Christmas day so it’s not hard to understand why I used to dread the winter months and the holidays that come with them.  

 

For years I looked at these things  like the end of the world but I now see things differently.  Now I embrace winter and look forward to the holidays with anticipation because I finally realized that memories, good and bad, are the fabric of the crazy quilt that make up  my family’s history.   I know everything will turn out all right and this year, like past years, will just be one more story to add to that family quilt.

 

AT THE END OF THE DAY...it’s a time to remember that we will always be family and that doesn't mean joined at the hip...it means joined at the heart.

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY

Today is my 47th wedding anniversary...and my husband left me this morning.  It's not unusual...he has left me before...many times.  I used to worry about it but not anymore.  Here's a little essay I wrote years ago about the homecoming from the longest he ever stayed gone.

HOMECOMING 1968

The wolf whistles that echo against my back confirm that my skirt hem, which just skims my knees, is riding the static up the back of my nylon-sheathed legs.  My spike heels, painted bright orange to match my dress, make a loud statement as I hurry across the nearly deserted airport.      

I finally spot the gate where his plane will land and stand, back against the wall, to wait.  I am all nerves and eager anticipation.   I touch my hair and inspect my reflection in a night-backed window.  I left home bare faced and in curlers, stopping just outside of San Francisco to change so I will look my best for him.  We were only married six months when he left, and though he has been in Alaska, not Vietnam, a year is a long time.

            Finally the plane arrives and people start pouring out of the gate, business travelers, soldiers, and tired looking women with children. 

            My stomach tightens, and my heart pounds hard against my throat when I spot him moving across the floor in his uniform, a duffle bag across his shoulder, and the same smile I fell in love with over two years ago on his face as our eyes meet.  People and sounds disappear.  We take a step forward, hesitate then take another.  He drops his duffle bag, and I run into his arms.  We embrace and kiss then I stand still and hold on while he re-maps my face with his fingers.  The cheering and applause from the circle of travelers that have stopped to watch our reunion bring us back to the present.  Blushing, I step back and take his hand and we leave the airport to head home and finish the rest of our lives together.  

AT THE END OF THE DAY...i still get that little butterfly feeling in my stomach when I see him after a month a week or a day...because he always comes back...although now when he leaves I do shout...PARTY...PARTY...PARTY...lol...

ALL THE WORK WHILE CRYING...

I am a procrastinator.

DYED IN THE WOOL

When I have a deadline I hide out while everything else is put on hold.

SKIPPING HUNTING SEASON

I think about all the things I have to do and how little time I have to do them.

 

GARDEN POND

And I wonder what I have gotten myself into this time

TURKEY TANGO

 and if anybody will like what I have worked so hard on and is it worth it.

HOW NOW BROWN COW

Then I work in a frenzy the week before my deadline oblivious to everything else around me

REACHING

but...

AT THE END OF THE DAY...I look around and realize...

SHIMMER

 I'm finished and ready to rock and roll...

Come see for yourself at the Marysville Arts Coalition FALL HOLIDAY ART SHOW this Friday November 15 8 from 3-7 PM and Saturday November 16 9 from 10 AM to 4PM. 

Where?

1410 Grove Street in Marysville

The new Red Curtain Foundation for the Arts building (formerly the Dunn Lumber building).

LABEL OR NAME

What is the difference between a label ......wife, mother, woman...and a name Kaufman?

Labels can help us distinguish one thing...or person...from another...photographer, painter, artist...or keep us at a distance...shy...timid...

SHEEPISH

We are given names...Frances...called names...Franny Bananny...and try on names...Fran or Francy.

A name can bring a memory...

GERTRUDE

 ...and Heathcliff...or an emotion...

SERENITY

Putting a label on what I do...photography...tells little about my art so I name my images.

Labels can tell you what they are but they keep you from looking further.  Names encourage looking closer...and thinking.

I am many things on any given day...a tired old woman or...

 

ONE TERRIFIC CHICK

but ultimately...whether I am labeled or named...

...AT THE END OF THE DAY...I define what and who I am.

CHANGES

Which Bridge to Cross...

...i've been thinking about change...
...seasons change and weather changes...
...times change and people change...
...that's just the way it is...
...always changing...

...and as life goes on i ask myself...

ON THE EDGE

do i walk on this tight rope

or do i jump?

do i plummet to the ground

or do i fly?

do i stay among the clouds 

or do i come back

to the edge

and try again?

~FK~

...and as i grow older...

...changes become more frequent...

...and it's harder to bend...

...so how do i decide...

...what to fight for a little while longer...

...what do i accept as part of aging...

Stars and Stripes

 

Her Eyes

and...AT THE END OF THE DAY... i learn to see through...

DIFFERENT EYES

i see through different eyes

looking past the negative

i see through different eyes

noticing shades of gray not just black and white

i see through different eyes

observing from a different perspective

i see through different eyes

still glimpsing possibilities

FK

 

Rock...Feathers...Bird